A virtue I was unfortunately not blessed with an abundance of. Two weeks of consistent bad news has me on edge and my anxiety levels elevated. My physical and mental exhaustion is at a high. I’m 2 days shy of my 3rd trimester as well which means sleep is pretty much nonexistent. The result is constant small mistakes/mis-steps throughout the day that 100% Daniell would not make…. But I’m tired…I’m pregnant…I’m not feeling like me….it may be all the pregnant girl hormones…I don’t know….but the added stress only complicates it all. In turn my patience is being tested. Little things that happen during the day that I would normally barely notice overwhelm me. Even writing this blog is frustrating me. It’s not my best work….the words are not flowing. It’s choppy and less than eloquent. UGH. I’m trying my best not to be short with those around me who happen to be the ones I love most. I think I’m doing better than normal with that but probably still not good depending on who you ask (KJ or B lol).
A reminder that God’s got me. A reminder that I am strong. A reminder that trials pass. A reminder that at this very moment my stepdad is still fighting melanoma and I am not. A reminder that my mom is on the emotional rollercoaster of caring for a cancer patient and I am not. A reminder that I have an amazing husband, a wonderful son, a beautiful daughter and another on the way. A reminder that I have the most amazing job in the world and many would trade places with me in a second. Yet still the anxiety.
Anxiety is something I have struggled with for a long time. I can remember being as young as a fourth grader struggling with the stress of everyday life. Back then I didn’t know what it was called and I doubt it was even being diagnosed as a “thing” but I assure you….it’s a thing. It’s real. I tried different medications twice in my life for a span of 3 months each to help deal with it and while medication definitely mutes the negative feelings and emotions associated with anxiety is also mutes the happy feelings as well. I opted to try to control it in other ways. Exercise is a big deal for me and helps me a lot. The bible helps as well.
I fall back on my favorite bible verse. One I encourage anyone else who struggles with anxiety to read.
Matthew 6: 25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
In my heart I know this to be true. I wish I could just get my body to follow suit and calm down. God always provides for me and I need to remember that. This week at bible study we read Mark chapter 8. In this chapter Jesus feeds 4,000 people with 7 loafs of bread. Immediately after he and the disciples get into a boat and the disciples begin to worry because they only saved 1 loaf of bread for the 13 of them. Jesus…in disbelief asks them if they still don’t get it. I feel that way this week. After all Jesus has done for me, I still stress over an abundance of small inconveniences as if they are just too much for me or Him to handle. They are not. The bible tells me they are not. I have faith in that and it allows me to pull my Superwoman shirt back out of the closet, pair it with some heels, lipstick and lashes and just keep swimming.
It’s ok for a superwoman to have a bad week… and those are my scrambled inside thoughts.
P.S. I miss wine..........